Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
