I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize