I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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