Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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