So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
