your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.