Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
