My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize