A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?