I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol