I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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