I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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