my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
