Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
