it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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