i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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