I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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