I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
