I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm really busy with my period
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