Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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