Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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