I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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