I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
