I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
