So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
