This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.