I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?