i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame