She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.