The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
