Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
