Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
