dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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