I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.