she looked like the before picture.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
