I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
