Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
