your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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