He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
