i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
