I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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