Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
