either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
