summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Congratulations! We have a period
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