Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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