when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
