theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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