I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
