but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
