Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
