Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
