don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
