You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
