So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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