Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
