goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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