2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
