after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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