I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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