We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
