Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Houston, we have a squirter
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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