I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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