I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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