he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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