Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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