tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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