He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
